Mr Fondman  29 December 2000

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Play spankings need little introduction, except to say that I believe it
is vital that any woman who is subject to a disciplinary framework
backed up by punishment spankings should also be able to ask for
the playful kind.  At times, many women consciously or
unconsciously want to be spanked.  They should not be in a position
where they have to act hurtfully or destructively in order that this
desire be satisfied.  Play spanking can be a lot of fun, and is typically
highly erotic.  It is good practice for the spanker too!  Play spanking
does not detract from the effectiveness of the properly administered
disciplinary variety.

A therapeutic spanking is not exactly for fun.  While it may feel like
a punishment at times, it is not a punishment at all.  It is for the
benefit of the woman and the couple in general.  It is a communion,
a special time of togetherness.

Here is what I wrote about therapeutic spanking on the
1HouseholdDiscipline list in December 2000.

You can follow the discussion which this was a part of here:
http://www.egroups.com/messages/1HouseholdDiscipline/4422 .

In particular, I recommend Lissa's (lj's) contribution about
contradictions and debate.

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Olivia wrote about how difficult she found it to ask for a spanking - a
subject I will return to at the end of this piece.  She wrote, in part:

This is probably going to sound ridiculous but I want the warm
glow, the release and catharsis that a spanking brings without the
pain.  I want to be over his knee and held, and I want the cuddles
afterwards.  So I want the after effects without going through the
process of feeling those spanks.  I'm quite happy to accept those
stinging slaps when I've done something wrong.  I feel I deserve
the pain then.  I don't like it, but I believe I need it.  But when I
haven't been disobedient, just that I'm tetchy and there is the
need for this release, I don't want the pain.

On the other hand... didn't someone once say medicine has to
taste bad to be good for you?

Here is my response, followed by some discussion and another response:

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I suggest that the "spanking" of a therapeutic spanking be only a part of the
whole thing.

Make sure you have all the time in the world and that you can snuggle close
and go to bed afterwards.  The room must be warm and comfortable.

Take a nice hot shower - or better still a bubblebath - beforehand.  You want
to be all warm and soft and willing.

Put on some fine music gently in the background.  Present yourself with care
and flair.  Choose your dress or undress to please both yourself and your man.

Do you have a low bed or sofa, so you are not dangling, but are very
relaxed and rested?  Your loving man can sit on one side of the bed so you
can drape yourself comfortably over his lap.  He may want to raise his right
foot (assuming he is right handed) on a few phone books so your hips are
lifted higher and so his knee is higher than his hip.  Then you are less likely to
slip away.  Mother nature has made you two most compatible in this
configuration.
 

On the occasions when I have had the pleasure, I like to have the woman
ask me to spank her.  So while she is standing at the the foot of the bed I tell
her to ask me very nicely.  When she asks and I reply that I will be very
*happy* to spank her, I tell her to kneel down on the bed to my right and
place herself over my lap.
 

Your man should make sure you are comfortable with cushions and pillows.
Now you two can talk softly and ramble about *anything*.  There is a
meditative quality to this - let the knotty thoughts and worries bubble to the
surface.  Take a good look at them and talk them over - then they won't be
knotty thoughts and worries any more!  (You now know half of
Transcendental Meditation!)

But there's no need to learn a mantra . . . .

Your man will caress your neck and your back with his left hand while he
holds your hips with his right.  He may like to see your face - or you may like
to bury it in the pillows.  He can tousle your hair and stroke your ear . . . but
he doesn't need lessons from me in all this!  Its all perfectly natural.

Your lower back needs special attention, with his left hand and then with his
right as he holds you firmly by the waist.  Now its time to caress your
splendid tail and legs, and to lift, re-arrange or do away with any items of
clothing which remain.
 

You are well aware that with one fierce stroke of his hand, he could burn his
palm-print into your bottom and make you cry.

You are very vulnerable.

You are very safe with him.

Unless you have a particular liking for a hairbrush or a light paddle or strap,
there's no need for any implements - just your man's strong, gentle, hard,
spanking hand.

You know there is no need for punishment.  Perhaps you may tell him of
something you think you should be punished for.  If it a small matter, then he
may decide to get it over with - but this special time is not for punishments
or lectures, it is for *togetherness*.

You know he is going to be gentle - but that he will be making your bottom
burn and sting too.  A spanking gentleman does not disappoint!

Maybe you will gasp and squirm if he decides its time for some harder
stingers.  Perhaps he will feel like giving you a little blitzkrieg - an intense
volley of four or more spanks a second on a particular part of you bottom or
thighs.

You are in his hands.

You trust him completely.

He is sensitive to you, but he knows the value of surprises and of sometimes
taking you beyond your comfort zone.

He knows the value of rhythm - and of lots of talking.

He can ask you where you would like to be massaged, caressed and
touched.  Perhaps there is a silk scarf handy to tickle your thighs - or an icy
little bucket of water so his hands can be nice and cool and wet on your tail
after he has rained hundreds of little spanks on it.

He can ask you all sorts of questions - like how it feels to be a woman.
How it feels to be bare and presenting yourself like this.  What you dream of,
in bed and during the day.  What you would be doing if there were no
constraints.
 

He can have you decide for yourself what sort of smacks and touching you
would like.

He can have you ask for particular doses of spanking medicine which he
prescribes.

He can tell you precisely what he is going to administer.

He can let you know there will be some surprises!
 

You can talk all you like about how you feel about being subjected to this
long, languid, relaxed, holding, touching, patting and smacking ordeal.
 

Accept that this is not a punishment.  If it hurts a bit, then that is just the way
slaps and spanks are.  You are a woman.  You need to be spanked.  It has
to hurt.  It is good for you.  Be sure to thank him.

After a while, I don't think even the stinging ones will really hurt.
 

He can have you feel an unchastised part of your flesh, say the right of your
belly, and then have you move your hand over to your derriere and feel the
warmth and heat.

He can ask you to tell him about how different parts of your body feel.  Are
your feet tired?  How are your hands and wrists?  Have you had any
problems with headaches recently?  How is your bottom feeling right now?
How often do you think that a spanking would be good for you?  When,
during the day, do you think of your bottom being spanked and reddened
and warmed?  What are your fantasies?  Your sensual and sexual fantasies
of course!  Lovemaking?  In special places, like on smooth warm rocks by
the ocean . . . ?  Spanking?  Any particular scenarios?  . . .     . . .   Are
there any clothes you are longing to wear?

Your man may be strong, but he needs you and your care just as much as
you need his.  Be sure to ask him about his joys and fears, his successes and
his longings.  Perhaps you should ask him about when *he* thinks about
making love with you, holding you close, spanking you gently or searingly . . .
 

Naturally, all through this long, long therapeutic "spanking", he will be telling
you how he loves you, how he won't let anything bad happen to you, about
his plans for the future with you, what a lovely bottom you have, how red it
is getting, how good it feels to hold you this way and so on.
 

There can be quiet times - no talking, just a gentle hand caressing your
lower back or your tail or your legs or your neck in meandering circles.

There can be periods of gentle smacking in loose time with the music.
No words, no particular thoughts, just smack . . smack . . smack . .
smack . . smack . . smack . . smack . . smack . . smack . . smack . .
  smack . . smack . . smack . . smack . . smack . . smack . . smack . .
    smack . . smack . . smack . . smack . . smack . . smack . . smack . .
      smack . . smack . . smack . . smack . .  and on and on . . . .

There can be many hundreds and probably thousands of smacks.

After a while, it will seem so natural and you won't be thinking too much
about the 20th century, or the 21st, or anything else much beyond the room,
the bed, your loving man and the dreamlike partnership you are so lucky to
have together . . . and your radiant *bottom*.

You are not really a girl, and you are not really a responsible woman of the
Outside World.  You are just your dreamy self - perhaps with your
girlishness or even childishness, or your angelic nature.  Your bare, true,
fragile self . . . . being held close in every way.

It is honest and peaceful.  There's nothing worth hiding any more.  You can
say whatever you feel, and your man will listen and be there with you.  You
are perfectly safe.  You can come to no harm.  You will be cared for now
and forever.

He will hold you close and secure.  You will become accustomed to being
softly, soundly and sometimes stingingly spanked and held and talked to and
spanked and listened to and appreciated and caressed and spanked and
held and touched and spanked . . .  for a very long time.
 

In time, you might even become accustomed to asking for it!
 

  - Mr Fondman
 

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One woman asked about where she could sign up!

Another wrote:

well, what can i say except, *faints before she finishes*

The 1HouseholdDiscipline mailing list had a tradition of discussing discipline
alone, with little or no reference to eroticism or play.  My message above was
part of widening the focus of the list.

Some people are rightly concerned about supposedly disciplinary actions
being conducted, consciously or otherwise, for erotic reasons. Olivia seemed
to have some concerns, as if what I wrote was leading away from the
established path of serious, non-erotic, domestic discipline. She wrote:

Dearest Mr Fondman,

While I have no doubt that this would indeed be therapeutic, I think
I would categorise this scenario as erotic.

But thanks so much for writing it, I really, really, really, enjoyed
reading it.

Here is my response:

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Dearest Olivia,

In response to my prescription, you wrote:

> While I have no doubt that this would indeed be therapeutic, I think
> I would categorise this scenario as erotic.
 

Yes.  This formulation of Over The Knee spanking medicine does contain
tinctures of discipline and punishment, but the application as a whole is *not*
concerned with discipline or punishment as such.  Indeed the application is
not concerned with rigour, correction, the outside world, objectivity or any
other such tiresome concerns.

You are absolutely correct in identifying this particular prescription as erotic.
There's more to love, sharing and erotic experience than coitus, caressing and
the more formalised rituals such as Breast Worship.  This formulation contains
a goodly dose of Bottom Worship - as a part of an overall tonic of meditative
integration of all the life-affirming faculties of both partners.

The endorphins, adrenaline, quickened pulse, raised temperature, euphoria
and erotic feelings resulting from direct bodily stimulation, anticipation, being
held, being subject, belonging, being protected and so on are the same as
those resulting from more widely known forms of erotic and loving
expression.

Eroticism has many aspects.  Erotic feelings and practices play a crucial role
in Mother Nature's plan - especially in respect of love and pair bonding.

This therapeutic prescription is indeed highly erotic.

Therefore, I respectfully suggest that you choose your therapist with great
care.  Ideally, he should be the man you love, trust and live with - the man
who has likewise chosen you as his loving partner in life.
 

While it is intriguing to think of a waiting room full of fabulous women
awaiting such therapy at the hands of a specialist such as myself, in truth,
each woman really should be receiving these ministrations from her loving
partner - not least because it will do him a power of good as well.
 

  Analytically yours
 

     Dr Fondman
 

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Asking for it

It is a curious fact that while women may desperately want to be spanked,
and may be accomplished at asking for all sorts of things - and indeed at
pressuring and manipulating to get whatever they want - they often find it
very hard indeed to ask for a spanking.

Part of the explanation may be the viewpoint that spanking should be the
unilateral, decisive, demonstrative, loving action of the man.  So there
should be no need to ask for it, and it would be much better if the man
simply spanked her whenever she needed it without any preliminaries.

There are many elements in the above formulation - the togetherness, the
rhythm, the smacking, the ability to say anything, the stinging, the caressing,
the reassurance and so on.   Many correspondents tell me that this is the
sort of treatment they most need to stop them spiralling into a pit of PMS-
induced depression, bitterness etc.

Once the man knows the ropes, he will have a pretty good idea of when
to spank.  But it would still be best if the woman has ways of asking for
therapeutic spankings - or for that matter play or punishment spankings,
or anything else she wants or needs.
 

I have suggested that the woman wears a too-short skirt, or leaves a stout
hairbrush in a prominent position by the bedside.

One women tole me that she would wear a very long T-shirt and nothing
else - a T-shirt she only wore when she wanted to be spanked.

Another wrote of emailing her man, or placing a distinctive cookie or fruit in
the lunch she prepares for him to take to work.

In the discussion which stated with message 4407 Icedance suggested using
a cuddly toy:

What about adopting a symbol of some kind to indicate the mood
you are in.  For example, if you feel like a 2 YO then perhaps you
could grab a teddy bear or a doll and just sit holding it (I have a
Raggedy Anne doll my therapist had me buy last year and when
I'm feeling very little I find hugging her extremely calming).  This
helps you calm yourself, which is the mature way of handling it,
and also sends a clear and definite signal to your husband that you
are struggling with coping at the moment.

Then he could ask if you need help.  If the snuggling of the doll is
enough you can say no, but if not, you can simply nod yes.  You
don't have to ask for the spanking but he will know that this might
help you get through the feelings that are overwhelming you.
Perhaps having him hold you in his lap will do as much as a
spanking.  The need that is there is the need of the child.  You
can play with different ways of getting that need met.

Just a thought, I think it would work for me.
 

Women, here's another way of asking for it.  Print this page and annotate
it as you wish - underlining the important parts, crossing out what doesn't
apply and making your own additions.  Better still, write an introductory
note to your man, asking him to read this piece and either discuss it or
take action.

Now leave it somewhere where your loving man will surely find it.

If he reads it and finds that you have not crossed out the sentence you are
reading now, then he will know that you are asking to be taken fondly and
firmly, for a trip over his knee, for a long-overdue spanking of rhythm and
stinging, togetherness and talking, relaxing and gasping as described above.

 - Mr Fondman

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