Punishment - 2
Spanking, lectures and lines

Mr Fondman   23 June 2001  (Slight update 30 July 2004 and another update in May 2005.)

Please be sure to read widely at this site before diving into this - the most
difficult aspect of the Gentlemanly Art.  In particular (at the new/ directory)
please read the section on harmony, the pieces on play and therapeutic
spanking and the first piece on punishment before reading any further here.
 
 

This page contains: An extended version of something I wrote to the 1HouseholdDiscipline mailing list on 7 March 2001.  I was responding to a man ("John" in this account) who was asking for guidance punishing his wife, because his efforts had no so far been effective. Some quotes from a woman correspondent following a particularly harsh punishment - 5 minutes of determined work by her husband, on her bottom, with a 10" long, 3" wide, 1/2" thick, "body" or "shower" Brush. She reports on the effectiveness and benefits of the punishment. These Brushes are generally available, but can be harder to find than the longer-handled back-rubbing variety.  The long-handled ones do not have a flat back, and so are unsuitable for use as chastisement implements.  This picture comes from a wholesaler: http://www.bathaccessories.com/htm/brus.htm  but you can purchase one retail for USD$7.49 plus postage at http://www.deadseacare.com/deadseacare/natbrisbodbr.html .  You can also purchase one from the well established company Crabtree & Evelyn:  http://store.crabtree-evelyn.com/197.html .

Here is another Brush.  I haven't seen used one like this myself, but it looks very businesslike.  It is 12" long and clearly at least 1/2" thick and 3" wide.  This is available from the Vermont Country Store .  The page for this item is here .  A foot long, straight and hefty. This is no play-thing!  I suggest that men purchase at least two. One readily at hand and another in reserve - stashed somewhere safe in the event that the handy one becomes "lost".  Some women who want their men to impose discipline admit to hiding punishment implements. I am sure that many such women would dream up all sorts of sad fates for an implement such as this, once they became acquainted with it.

Here is my introduction to this page, from the main page of the new/ directory.
 

I and most other fine men do not want to punish anyone, especially our loving woman.  But if we have to, we will do a damn good job of it.  We will bring every physical, emotional and intellectual fibre of our being to the task, in order that we don't have to do it very often.    Many women never behave in ways which requires punishment - this is the ideal arrangement for most couples.  However, some women may be tempted to behave so badly as to leave their man with no option but to enforce robust corrective action - including, but not limited to, harsh corporal punishment.  A few such women seem to be only satisfied once they have done something bad and really felt their man's determined efforts to help her be better.   (See a woman's comments in the house-test.html page. She wrote: I need to feel his power and strength as a man because this makes me feel more like a woman. It is somewhat of a circle with no end in sight.)  I hope that rather than find out the hard way, that such a woman will realise from her man's: Demonstrated skills at play and therapeutic spanking, his capacity to face, discuss and deal decisively with emotional and behavioural problems, his close study of these pieces on serious punishment, and his own ideas and promises of corrective action he would take if it became necessary . . . . . . that its just not worth it to give in to hurtful, destructive and/or dangerous urges and so find out the hard way that such misconduct will earn her an appropriately serious punishment. To this end - to protect against damaging misconduct - it may be a good idea for the couple to discuss exactly what punishments may be imposed in the event of misconduct. Still, some women are really curious and are not satisfied by mere talk.  They still don't really feel that their man has what it takes.   In such cases, a "demonstration punishment" might prove instructive - to give a taste of the corrective action she would be subject to in the event of serious misconduct.  Men: when it comes to serious punishments or demonstration punishments - well beyond a simple whack on the tail and good talking to - you not disappoint her!  You need to impose your will, to dominate your woman, to leave her in no doubt that you are strong and committed enough to prevail no matter what cries, protests, shrieks and the like she tries to distract you with. Of course, you must be doing this for the right reasons - for her own good, to protect health and safety, and to protect your relationship.  Be sure to read the house-test.html piece on how many women see their loving relationship as a protective "house" which is strong enough to protect against the greatest outside threats.  So it must be strong enough to withstand all their efforts to break it.

A pep-talk for the man

 

Dear John, It is hard to advise on how best to proceed with punishment.  There are so many personal variables, and we on this list cannot know you and your wife - so we cannot offer specific advice.  Even if we did know you well, none of us pretend to be experts.  Here is a contribution which may help you - but please decide for yourself what is best.  I have no qualifications in any field.  I am not a counsellor and my experience with DD is limited.   Congratulations on taking your wife in hand and using the difficult process of corporal punishment to help her!  I understand you have tried everything else and that the hurt, destruction and danger she causes for herself and for others warrants your concerted effort to correct her.   First of all, if your wife is pregnant, there are several reasons as were discussed recently (such as the chance of inducing premature contractions) for not using  corporal punishment at all, or at least not harsh punishments.  This should not be a problem for a single whack on her hand or tail to remind her that she should improve her behaviour - but pregnancy and childbirth are delicate matters of the utmost importance, so no-one can promise you that any disciplinary action would have no adverse consequences. Some women and men are horrified at the intensity of corporal punishment which other women crave and/or need.  Some women have effective punishment spankings which leave only a pinkness on their tail for an hour or two.  Others desire playful but intense chastisement which leaves marks and bruises which last for weeks.  A chastisement which a woman enjoys in play may be more physically intense than one which makes her suffer and which is quite effective in a punishment setting.

I don't think the cane is a good implement to use, except lightly, unless you really know what you are doing and you both accept that there may be deep bruising and quite likely some tearing of the skin.  I think the cane, unless used lightly, can easily lead to ugly damage with the potential for lasting marks.  The can is so intense and acute: stretching the skin on either side of where it impacts and with the tip wrapping around and biting into tender skin.  (If you look closely at the main page of this site [Update 30 July 2004 - I no longer have these pictures on my site.]  you will see how to view some pictures of well-spanked - and caned - bottoms.  The more intense images of canings should be instructive and give pause for thought before using such an implement on a woman's bottom.) It might be thought that a covering of some clothing might reduce these dangers - but this stops you seeing what damage you are doing to her skin.  So the cane should only be used on the bare behind - unless perhaps you are using it only lightly. I gather that with the cane you feel you are approaching the limits of safety - and that you do not feel you have not yet achieved the levels of intensity needed to correct your wife's behaviour.

Some alternatives are using a stout hairbrush or clothes brush - or a round or oval wooden paddle (like a thicker table tennis bat, but solid wood and with no rubber surface) - *very* quickly on the one spot for a while before moving to another spot.  You should be able to deliver at least four whacks a second like this, and within a second or two - your wife will be changing her thinking, I assure you!  It *burns*!   My record with my favourite light round paddle is six strokes a second.  Its all in the wrist and forearm - but you must be thoroughly determined to drill a message home to her.   Perhaps you can find in yourself a fiendish, somewhat cruel, streak which can be safely put to good use! Your wife will find it completely intolerable for you to punish her like this!  She will hate that you can repeatedly sting and burn her and totally change her thinking in just a few short seconds.  You are asserting your dominion over her tail - for wise purpose.  You are dominating your wife mentally, emotionally and physically - via determined stimulation of her punishment receptor which links directly to wherever it matters in her brain.  The receptor, of course, is Mother Nature's most finely crafted gift: the womanly bottom! Once you have made one zone thoroughly sore - which only takes five or ten seconds at this rate, you can move to another zone.   She will soon realise that you can keep this up and find new places to blitzkrieg - and return to repeatedly blitz the already sore zones - and that you can keep doing it until you are satisfied she is worn out and has accepted your message thoroughly. Expect bruising to develop within the next hours or days - there's no way of causing overwhelming pain without bruising.  Bruises, unless they are really gross and/or the recipient is in poor health, will probably clear up without any problems.  It can't be good for the skin and flesh to suffer this sort of trauma - so adverse complications cannot be ruled out - but the bottom seems well adapted to receiving bruising punishment.

Women report various stages of their response to an intense punishment.  I have not researched this properly, but I imagine it is something like this: Fear and apprehension, before punishment - though not necessarily realising how much regret and pain she is going to feel. Pain and shock that you would hurt her. (By the way, I don't advocate warming her up.  That is fine for playful treats, but with a punishment, the aim is to teach her a lesson, make her "pay the price", give her some indication of the hurt she has caused others and to show her you are in control and will do whatever it takes to make her better.  Its not a game and it is meant to shock her and make her suffer.)  Acute embarrassment at her predicament.  Shame and further embarrassment if she recognises that the punishment is justified.  (She may not always recognise that her actions were wrong enough to warrant punishment - but in the long run, you two should agree on what is right and wrong and what corrective measures are appropriate.  In the event that you two later decide that the punishment was too intense, then you should apologise - but you should both recognise that this is a difficult business and that you may from time to time make honest mistakes.) A huge range of protests, pleas, arguments etc. to distract you and make you think that her suffering is monumental and unbearable.  Some women are expert at this, but they don't necessarily remember the fever pitch of protests they rose to.  Nor was the punishment really as bad as it felt, or seemed to feel, at the time. A sinking feeling and perhaps a bit of panic when she realises that you are in control and that nothing she does or says or shouts can deter you from the job in hand. Acute indignity and anger if she feels that your punishment is out of all proportion to her misconduct.  This is probably a good stage to take her through.  What counts is whether in the long run she agrees that the punishment was appropriate.  Its good that she is shocked and aggrieved right now. Fear that you are a spanking, paddling, brush- or strap-weilding monster who has no limits!  She fears that you will never stop.  Again, if the need for punishment is acute, then this is a stage you should probably give her a good taste of. Anger subsiding to a phase of giving in and feeling acutely sorry for herself.  This is a sign that you have successfully dominated her and given her a good dose of the medicine she needs.  At all times, you should recognise that these minutes and seconds of acute punishment are in a different "zone" from the rest of life.  This is a special period of communication in which you push her into experiences she must have, but which she cannot do for herself.  What counts is the long-term benefits of these brief moments.   All the evidence is that for serious punishments, the woman needs to be completely overwhelmed with pain, shame, embarrassment and recognition that you are right and that you are in charge.  This is a good time to re-inforce the things she needs to learn - things you should have been lecturing her about all through the spanking, and expecting her to respond appropriately to.  Now is the time to have her tell you whether or not in the future it will be worth it to follow her worst impulses.   Keep spanking and expecting more sincere and expressive statements of her desire for self-betterment until her responses have a ring of desperation as well as sincerity. Exhaustion and perhaps panic that you have no reason or sense of proportion and that you are permanently disfiguring her backside.  Now she is getting really worn out and has lost all her rational and directed ways of responding.  Its nearly time to stop.  But I think that you should not stop the moment she seems panicky.  To do so shows that you are not really in charge, and that her actions and cries (which are easily faked) can bring the spanking to a halt.   Assuming that you are not in fact causing lasting damage, I think you should continue for a while and make her recognise that you are not put off by anything she can come up with.   When you are ready, then stop.  This way she will always know that you are in charge and that nothing will deflect you from punishing her as you see fit. (Please write to me with your comments on all this!)

Update May 2005 - I meant to update this a few years ago.  I no longer think this HRS idea (below) is a good one.  Regarding the most intense, physically and psychologically safe corporal punishments for a grown woman, I think that what a man can't do with a Bathbrush from Hell is probably not worth doing. My best suggestion for a punishment implement of last resort is the Horrid Rubber Strap (HRS), as was discussed here some weeks ago. 1HD message 4635 This also points to some stout shower-brushes which, I can assure you, make very good punishment implements too! You can easily make a Horrid Rubber Strap yourself from some solid, supple, black, industrial rubber matting, say 5 to 6 mm thick (to 1/4").  Cut a strip 1 1/2" wide and 18" long.  I think you can probably give a healthy woman a vigorous belting on her bottom and upper thighs with the HRS with comparative safety, compared with the dangers of tearing the skin with the cane.   A thorough walloping with the HRS is not something I would want to contemplate.  I have never used it on anyone - but a few whacks to my legs and the report from one woman who has been punished with it convince me this is a heavy, hurtful but relatively safe implement which no-one could enjoy. A good dose of the HRS or any other overwhelming corporal punishment will leave your woman very bruised and sore.  If such corporal punishment, combined with all the other elements of a disciplinary framework and correctional action, is not enough to convince her you mean business and that she simply cannot continue her problem behaviour, then I don't know what to suggest.

Some women need to be thoroughly overwhelmed - to the point where they are frantic, panicking and convinced you are a mean, cruel brute who will *never* stop beating her backside and causing her such intolerable pain, humiliation and distress.  Your wife may be convinced you have done her delicate bottom permanent injury!  She might be planning all sorts of terrible fates for you at the time.  She will probably be angry and very upset for quite a while afterwards. This, it seems, is the level of intensity which some women need to be taken to before they respect their man.  For these women, the respect they *want* to feel for their man only comes when they *know* from bitter experience that he is willing and able to overcome any resistance she can come up with - in order to correct and protect her.   Corporal punishment should be part of the correctional program which operates in many ways simultaneously.  The intense corporal punishments I discuss here are the last resort. You need to mentally and emotionally dominate her with lectures and by requiring her to correctly respond to your questions, such as why she acted the way she did, why she is never going to do it again, what steps she will take to avoid such mistakes and so on.  Fancy yourself as a drill sergeant if you like - barking orders and demanding immediate, enthusiastic, unquestioning responses.  Or you can be like a close friend who knows the catacombs of her mind, and walks her through all the contradictions and dark places - and the good places too - whilst affirming your love for her and your confidence in her being her best self.  Speak to her softly and have her affirm the truth of the facts you are both agreeing upon - the happy, bright facts and the ugly truths about her own behaviour and any rotten habits of thought which she must overcome. My approach to lectures and to arguments in general is to remind the other person of the truths about themselves, their actions and their beliefs which they cannot deny.  Then I insist they face the consequences of those facts.  You can combine this with expressions of your own pain, anger and frustration that she has acted as she did - whilst also expressing your love, admiration and respect for her.

Once you have given your wife a serious dose of corporal punishment, with lectures, corner time etc.  you will have a very sorrowful and perhaps rather angry woman on your hands.   Treat her tenderly, hold her close and avow your love for her.  I suggest you don't let her distract you erotically for quite some time.  You may tell her that you really regret that you had to punish her, but you don't apologise for her upset.  Her distress is a natural consequence of her misconduct and your agreement that the best response to such misconduct is disciplinary measures such as you have just enforced.   In the moments of peak intensity of a really overwhelming corporal punishment session, your woman will be making a hell of a commotion.  If you step back from your good intentions, and just listen to the sounds - the impacts of beating her bottom time and again, her cries of anger and desperation and her pleading for mercy - it is an ugly soundscape.  A fly on the wall would be reaching for its cell phone to call the cops!  It can be difficult to organise, but you need to be confident that neighbours and passers-by don't get the same idea. If this was the totality of your life - overpowering your woman and making her suffer so terribly - then you would be the worst kind of brutish abuser.  But these are brief, instructive, memorable moments which you carry out with military robustness for sole purpose of maximising happiness and helping her be her best self. You must be doing this for constructive loving purpose.  You need to be sure this is the best approach.  In the longer term, your woman should agree (of her own, wise, free will - not because she feels diminished or captive) that you were right to punish her in this way. She is your beloved woman.  You sleep with her.  You trust and dedicate your life to her.  You cuddle her and hold her close.  For many men, she is or will be the mother of your children.   She is your closest partner in this life.  She will care for you dearly in old age. Before you embark on a serious punishment as described here, you must be certain that this is the best approach, in all the circumstances.  Just because you read impressive accounts of such punishments and because intense corporal punishment is evidently the best approach for some women doesn't it is the approach for your beloved woman.  You are on your own taking action such as this.  You need to be damn sure of your actions and take full responsibility for whatever happens.   However, your woman should recognise that discipline and punishment is an imperfect art and/or science.  Like most things in life, disciplinary action involves risks.  If you do overstep the mark or punish her without justification, you should honestly admit your mistake and apologise.  At the same time, she should recognise that you are making difficult decisions on your own, and that at times, things will go wrong, despite your best efforts.   She may need to spend a day or two sitting on pillows - so she may be in no state to carry on all aspects of her normal life for a while after an overwhelming punishment.   This should be a time for her to think very hard indeed about how she will make sure she never makes such mistakes again. Perhaps, to make the best use of the pain she feels in the days which follow, you could have her write *lines* as well.  This will help her focus her thinking on what she did wrong, and how she will do better in the future. Below are some words I suggested to one chap.  It is a starting point for what you may like to dictate to your beloved woman.  You should adapt it to your own requirements, of course.  Dictate it to her, and have her write it out roughly at first.  Then instruct her to write two or three dozen copies or whatever, in her best handwriting, within the next two days - or else!   If she spends 8 to 12 hours writing this stuff, especially when she is sore and sorry, I think it will have a beneficial effect by helping steel her resolve to change her ways.

I am assuming that your reasons for correction are beyond question.  You must have already determined beyond doubt that there is no other appropriate course of action than to punish her harshly.  Ideally, you should both agree in the long term what standards you expect of her - and of yourself.  To use any of these techniques to diminish someone, to terrorise them, or to try to change them in a way which they do not agree with in the long term, would be abusive. Correctional measures, including corporal and non-corporal punishments need to be safe.  They will feel painful, distressing and oppressive at the time - but they should not have any lasting oppressive or damaging consequences. Like everyone else, your wife will *hate* being lectured when she knows she deserves it - when she knows you are right and she is wrong. Like everyone else, your wife will *hate* writing lines! Lectures and writing lines will be very memorable learning experiences for her.  She is unlikely to develop any erotic attraction to them, other than the overall erotic/romantic attraction she feels for you because you treat her lovingly and firmly - and always with her best interests at heart. Your woman (like some men and children . . . . ) may have erotic feelings about corporal punishment and discipline in general.  She may feel erotically charged during a mild session of correction, but she won't be thinking fondly or erotically while being subjected to any punishment which is really serious and effective.   She may think fondly of such a punishment session before and afterwards, but once she has been effectively punished, she will fear and respect your ability to make her suffer and direct her thinking.  She will fear and respect your ability to overcome every mental, emotional and physical resistance she can offer.  She will fear and respect you ability to dominate her - and if you only do this for her own good, then she will love you dearly for it too!

Miss Martindale and her colleagues devote a chapter of their Female Disciplinary Manual to the writing of lines.  I highly recommend this book (subtitled A Complete Encyclopaedia of the Correction of the Fair Sex) which is available from the Wildfire Club at http://www.aristasia.com .  My experience awarding lines as a punishment is limited - but it was effective and greatly aided by Miss Martindale's thoughtful suggestions.  Below is a suggested post-punishment text to be dictated to the woman who is in need of correction, so that she may spend the next day or two in the instructive drudgery of writing it out, very neatly, by hand a few dozen times.   Encourage her in her work, and perhaps express your regret that she has to do this awful, boring, seemingly mindless writing punishment.  But remind her that she gave you no option but to correct her in this way. When she presents her completed work to you, you should have her read one of the copies aloud to you - with *conviction*!  You should inspect her work - in detail, or cursorily, as you deem appropriate.  Assuming it is all up to your required standard, you should thank her for completing her punishment assignment satisfactorily.  You should then take her verbally through what she has learned - with your questions and her sincere and clearly expressed responses: what she will not do in the future, what she will do, and how she has learned that you will punish her effectively and thoroughly again if you think it will do her any good. I know this sounds tiresome: to lecture and corporally punish her, to dictate lines, to have her spend hours writing them over and over dozens of times, and to then take her laboriously through the key points of her mistakes and what she has learned.   It would be easy to think that enough is enough and to cut short some of this tiresome stuff.  It would be particularly easy to do so since she will be trying every trick to wriggle out of it all.  She will be feeling very sorry for herself and will be convinced it is a monstrous cruelty that you would have her write lines for a day or more after such a manifestly excessive punishment left her sore and swollen. But your corrective program should not be deflected by any of this.  You should take every opportunity to drill home the message she needs to accept.  This is tiresome - but you must wear her out and show her you are more determined and stronger than she is. If you follow through on *all* these corrective measures to the bitter end, then you greatly reduce the likelihood you will ever have to punish her again.

You should then declare the matter to be in the past.  She should then thank you sincerely for correcting her unacceptable ways and for helping her be the woman she wants to be.  She should tell you that she really appreciates the painstaking, difficult and determined effort and thought you put into punishing her.  You should tell her that you don't ever want to have to correct her like this again, but that you *will* if she fails to mend her ways. Then, perhaps you should keep the pages of *lines* as a reminder for her.  Or perhaps you should *burn* them! Here is the suggested dictation text.  You may wish to add your own specific references to her misdeeds and to how she will improve her behaviour in the future.

My dear husband, You punished me severely and made me sore and sorry because I did  not behave as I should.   You didn't want to do it, but I gave you no alternative.  You did a very good job and I will repeatedly thank you for all you have done.        Thank-you for expecting the best of me!        Thank-you for setting limits and correcting me!        Thank-you for punishing me safely and effectively!        Thank-you for all your patience, wisdom, strength and        determination! I promise to behave responsibly and lovingly forever!  I know you love me dearly and that I have your support, guidance and encouragement in being my best self. I will ask you at least twice a week to punish me if I fail to be the truthful, responsible, caring, respectful woman I really want to be.   I am an adult and I must be responsible.  I must never hurt you or anyone else - emotionally or physically.  The pain I feel in my bottom represents a fraction of the suffering I have caused you and other people.  I expect better of myself and I promise never to be mean, dangerous or hurtful again.  I know that you are ready, willing and able to punish me harder, time and again, with the BATHBRUSH FROM HELL and in other ways, such as writing these wretched LINES, if I do not fully learn my lesson this time.        Your GOOD Girl            . . . . .

A woman writes on the effectiveness of an overwhelming punishment

 

A good friend of mine, far away, has given me permission to reproduce an edited version of an email she wrote to me, describing the effects of a harsh punishment her husband gave her the day before.  I am very grateful for her generous permission to share her writing with others! Several weeks beforehand she showed her husband my pep-talk to 1HouseholdDiscipline on which the above text is based.  He read it with great interest.  They both agree that a disciplinary framework, backed up by corporal punishment, is the best approach to helping her overcome her temptation to behave dangerously, hurtfully and destructively.  In the long term, they agree about proper standards of behaviour.  Generally, she and her husband meets these standards - but at times her failings can be intense and lead to great hurt, danger and regret.  The disciplinary framework has certainly helped her overcome her worst urges.  So too has her elimination of caffeine.  She used to drink a lot of coffee - which added greatly to her PMS difficulties, to her general level of angst and to her potential for crankiness. This disciplinary framework and the work and discussion which it involves has helped improve communication between her and her husband.  This has helped reduce problems which would otherwise have arisen from both of their failings.  The disciplinary arrangement and better communication has also helped her recognise how her husband suffers from her hurtful actions and how upset he is by her sometimes self-destructive ways.  (Some women seem to think that their man is relatively unfeeling - and some men's reluctance to show "weakness" or discuss personal difficulties surely adds to this mistaken impression.)  For her, punishments as intense as this are a very rare occurrence. She was punished partly for a protracted period of "pouting, moping, sulking and being so dismal",  partly for making a derogatory remark about herself but primarily for a particularly bad action she deliberately took against her husband which she fully agrees was completely wrong and at odds with her own principles - something she (and anyone else) would never want done to them.  Men detest their beloved woman making derogatory remarks about herself!  It is something the man has to respond to immediately - to defend her against such rotten accusations, no matter who made them.  It forces the man into contradicting her - into a potentially argumentative emotional entanglement whenever she makes such a remark.  He can hardly let the disparaging comment pass and deal with it later.  My friend faced a number of destabilising pressures - including recovering from the flu and an unfair and very distressing situation at work.  Her husband and I supported her in this and I wrote to her telling her I was concerned she was letting herself spiral into self-generated feelings of isolation and despair.  This is a pattern which has occurred before, and it is vital that she not allow herself to become so isolated, bitter and despondent.  She should have made the most of her husband's support and reassurance - and the support of friends such as myself.  Despite our efforts, she became increasingly sulky, angry and hurtful.  A person with difficult things to cope with and with particular sensitivities to personal stresses in the workplace deserves a lot of support and reassurance from those who love her.  Her husband gives her this support.  He is a patient, loving man.  They were married two decades ago.  It is her responsibility not to act corrosively and with hurtful and unfair intent - but sometimes she allows her worst urges to rule her mind.  My friend has always been subject to spanking as a corrective measure - and her husband's growing skills as a disciplinarian have helped her overcome her worst habits and urges.  She is a fabulous woman with many qualities, skills and achievements - not least of which are being a fine mother and teacher.  But it is a challenge for her to curtail some long-standing womanly "imps" and "devils".   The disciplinary arrangement really helps, but on this occasion, she allowed herself to do things which she knew were wrong and for which she would have known she would be punished if she had thought about it.  Trying to divine the state of mind of a woman in the throes of isolated, angry sulking is a difficult task.  I don't know whether she really did think of the consequences at the time - either the hurt she would cause her husband or the disciplinary consequences.  The state of mind which she allowed herself to get into was one of her being alone, friendless, fighting against everyone, trusting no-one - despite every effort of her husband (and me, far away, by email) to prevent such a downward spiral.  In the end, her destructive actions had to be corrected.  While everyone would sympathise with her difficulty controlling destructive urges - including self-destructive urges - and offer her all the support she might want, she is an adult, she alone is responsible for her actions, and it was her choice to do hurtful things which were contrary to her own wiser long-term standards. A lighter paddle and a lighter brush (a Fuller clothes brush) could have been used - (see update above as could The Horrid Rubber Strap (HRS) )- but her husband chose The Brush as pictured above, 10" long, 3" wide and 1/2" thick.  This "body brush" packs a wallop.  I do not regard it as a plaything - and neither does anyone I know who is familiar with it.  At 128 grams, it is at least twice as heavy as a hairbrush.  It is has a flat back with rounded corners.  It is very strong so it can be used briskly and forcefully without risk of breaking.  My friend refers to it as "that awful brush". The Brush, the HRS and some lighter round wooden paddles (which are suitable for play and correction) are all my presents to this couple. Her one punishment with the HRS was necessitated by her repeated failure to overcome her deathly tobacco dependency.  She has been smoke free and much happier and healthier ever since.  The HRS remains the implement of last resort.  She writes: "Above all I hate that Fricking HRS - and am very frightened of it."  Her husband keeps the HRS in a safe place, since she has expressed thoughts of disposing of it or cutting it into small pieces.  I understand that on several occasions he has shown it to her, waving it as if it were a menacing black snake, and that this has had the required sobering effect. She agrees with  the ten stages of punishment (above) which I have added to the original pep talk. Please remember that the insights my friend shares below are into her most torrid and regrettable experiences.  The purpose of this punishment is to help her return to her usual self - to a social, creative, generous, and hard working life full of love and affection.  She lives a very positive life - her failures are occasional and she agrees that appropriate punishment is the best way of getting her back to her usual bright self. My paraphrasing is in [square brackets].

 

Yes, I did straighten up.. And a Huge Bell seems to be currently tolling in the background.  I suspect this was because I could not sit down with ease for 24 hours..  And [her husband] wasn't playing... All I could do was rub my sore bottom and whimper.  No one was handing out sympathy..    There are certain words that no longer have an affect on [her husband's] resolve.  Words that used to make him waver but now fall on deaf ears.   They are: "OUCH, OUCH, OUCCCCHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" "OWWWWWwwwwwwwwwwwww, OHHhhhhhh, PLEEeeeszzzzzzz, NOOOOOOOOOoooooooooooooooo!...  STOPPPPPPPPPPPP- Oh ... I'm sorry!  I'm sorry!  Owwwchh!  That hurt!  Stop!  Please!  I won't do it again!  I promise!" [In reviewing these quotes, she added that she is also famous for high-pitched, operatic renditions of the following two "all time favourites".] "I'll BE GOOOOOOOOD!!!  & "I got IT!!!" I just finished examining my bare bottom in the mirror tallying up the results from yesterdays Run In.  Looks like I lost.  He left an impression on the seat of my understanding. Yes - I do know without the reminder of these blue speckles, it was my just reward for days and weeks of sulking, [the particularly bad action], …and allowing my mind to go into the land of doom and gloom.   Worse, I know after throwing one big mope of a weekend - that I was testing his resolve when I crossed the line with the [derogatory about herself]  remark…  and the added barb/confession concerning [the particularly bad action]. That did not Help Me. I think, he spanked me because he wanted me to come to my senses. Pay back time.  And believe it or not I wanted to come to my senses.  I know I've been a brat - and I loathe that B word - but it does apply to my state of affairs.  I suppose I pushed him until he had reached a stage where his upset and anger at my repeated recalcitrant behavior, and especially the sulking, had transformed him into a state of righteous determination.  Sick or not He was going to spank me. And Spank he did!  Never taunt a man when you are wearing only thin tights and a tee shirt - It is NOT a smart thing to do…  Nor when the only implement handy is his extra large hand and a that awful hairbrush that you sent to him. [She is referring to the 10" long shower brush.]  He used both - with vigor.

I am still sore to sit. I would add that [her husband] is up to speed as a spanker, and has now mastered all those little tricks, that used to hinder him - Things like covering my bottom, easily dealt with.  Much ado about nothing - volume he now pays no heed too. [She is referring to the volume of her protests such as those she quoted above.]  The straying hand - that is an easy one - more spanks and a firm grip on my wrist.  Naked with no panties - easy to see where the last  smack landed and to impress again the particular point one is making on that exact spot - or cover the entire area with the eye of a perfectionist.  And of course I made a confession - so…. all together I would say that my behavior had earned me a very serious punishment.  I intend to lay low and behave myself, ask when I need reassurance and not act out in such a self  destructive way.  I don't think I can say "please punish me", or "would you spank me" when I am am on the edge - but I have no trouble with asking for hugs. I will practice the others in front of a mirror..  It's hard to admit that I Do need a spanking from time to time - and I can feel that coming, or head off nasty bouts of pouting by asking is still a Real Work for me.  First smacks feel like a blast of fire.  I immediately want him to stop - but he knows I can take a spanking.   Regardless of the noise I make, the staccato I reach, or the struggle I put up - He now wins.  Yesterday He didn't spank me forever- although it did feel like forever after the first three, but he did spank me with a deliberate intensity, really setting my bottom ablaze for a full five minutes nonstop.  And going straight for the tender parts of my upper thigh and lower bum.  Yes - I wailed, kicked, and cried.  Amazing. He wasn't Moved. I certainly was!

I can hardly believe I asked for this a year a go.  While I've always loved a good spanking - when the someone getting spanked is Not Me! It is altogether different when I am on the well deserved receiving end of things. What is worse is that he is now firmly committed to the idea that spanking me does have a nice angle to it.  Besides the visuals, my demeanor changes completely - and I become again very [her name]-like and in my right mind.  I hate to admit that too.  Despite the chaos caused by my inconsiderate behavior I went to work today feeling very much in a [her name] like mode - and had a really GREAT DAY.  I slept for hours last night - for one thing, ate breakfast - sort of - and wore something pretty.  [She had been resisted her husband's urges to eat well, and to get more sleep.] More importantly Today I felt secure. [She described in this email, and in another email the day after, how she had successfully confronted and largely dealt with the most difficult of the problems in her workplace which had been destabilising her.  So it cannot be said that this withering spanking had lessened her or made her incapable of working or being happy.] Thirdly the day was bright and shiny, while cold, it held the promise of spring.. something that I am indeed thankful for this year.  Fourth, I felt the slight soreness of his resolve upon my bottom --  a reminder that I am well loved.  And lastly I have your kindness echoing in the background of my brain - that yes, it is up to me.  So shall it be! [Later, after reviewing these quotes, she wrote:] Now I Understand that it hurts him to Spank me when I need Punished and how unfair - even though we agree that this is Best - it is to place him in that position.  Never underestimate the good that you Do with your Website and your generosity to share your feelings and passions.  I need to hear how my behavior is: Foolish, bratty, and selfish.  I need to hear how that affects the harmony of our relationship and how it MAKES him feel - and that the world does not evolve  around me - especially when I am in 'that place' -  So thank you for that too!

Update history:

• 17 May 2005.  HRS no longer considered useful.
  
• 23 June 2001.  Some additional Brushes.
• 04 April 2001.  Original page.