New material concerning:
Fondly and Firmly - The Gentlemanly Art of Spanking the Woman you Love

Warning! If you are a child or are easily offended, then none of the material on this site is for you.
So please leave by clicking on one of these links: www.yahoo.com or www.google.com .

The update history is at the end.

Harmony

 

Discipline is a means to an end - it is not an end in itself.  To think of discipline as a goal in itself would lead to an obsessive, narrow focus which would probably degenerate into something dull, limiting or oppressive. Our goal here is harmony.  Specifically, harmony in the lives of two adult, loving, committed partners.  If they choose to bring children into this world, this harmony will encompass and support those children, from before they are born until they are well and truly adults themselves. This site is concerned with male female relationships, typically with the female being most in need of correction and most keen to be playfully spanked.  This is a subset of reality - and there are many other arrangements between men and women, including F->M and mutual discipline.  Many of the principles discussed probably here also apply to relationships involving same-sex couples, but those scenarios are beyond my experience and are outside the scope of this site.  I do not mean to imply that women in general are more "faulty" then men, or that men do not need or benefit from their loving woman's inspiration, leadership and correction. Exactly what "harmony" entails will vary with the people concerned,but at a minimum, it would include: Good communication. Respect and trust. Support for each other and understanding each other's weaknesses. A vision for each other, and for each partner's own self, of being their best selves in all aspects of life. A rich life with as much security, calmness, hard work, creativity, play and socialising as can be managed. A fabulous love life - full of sex, sensuality, fantasy, playfulness and emotional intimacy. Support for each partner in their individual, independent endeavours. We are complex and imperfect creatures.  We must live our life the best we can without a full understanding of our nature or of the world in which we find ourselves.  This investigation - which will culminate in a book entitled Fondly and Firmly - the Gentlemanly Art of Spanking the Woman you Love - is an attempt to understand a complex, perplexing, but sometimes essential aspect of life: that aspect of loving relationships which involves spanking and/or discipline.

There are times when human failings and unruly, instinctual urges are best dealt with in a demonstrative, decisive manner - when the avoiding, gentle, pleading, hoping, or touchy-feely approaches are not good enough.  This demonstrative response may range from a clear instruction or look ,through a sharp whack on the bottom, to more rigorous disciplinary action- perhaps including corporal punishment which at the time is overwhelmingly painful and distressing for the recipient. Furthermore, some women feel most balanced, most secure, most protected, and most feminine when they are subject to a firm, principled, disciplinary arrangement from their loving man.  This includes women whose behaviour rarely if ever necessitates disciplinary action.  This includes women who readily admit that without their loving man's strenuous disciplinary efforts, she would tear the relationship to pieces.  These women are not downtrodden - they include independent-minded lawyers, doctors and managers who have the respect, trust and often the obedience of those they work with in the world outside their home. In addition to genuine leadership and discipline with in loving man-woman relationship, there may be great benefits in playing with some of these themes.  But while rigour and play can often be fruitfully combined, there are dangers in unknowingly playing at things which really must be approached very seriously.

Some women extol the virtues of complete subservience and obedience to their man - but I and many others consider this to be over the top and perhaps dangerously unquestioning. Each person has their strengths and weaknesses - and these change from time to time.  If, at a certain point in time, one partner is sane,alert and wise and the other is not - then its they who should be leading! Some couples think of the words "submission" and "dominance" in their understanding of the loving disciplinary or leadership arrangement they seek.  Others don't feel the needs for these words.  In recent decades the words "submission", "domination" and "power" have been falsely equated with weakness, bullying and selfish abuse of power respectively. But it is healthy and desirable to submit to a leader who you respect and trust - a leader who protects you, cherishes you and brings out the best in you.  Likewise, the leader should be dominant and use power for these purposes.  (But such discussion should not extend into uncritical celebration of roles and reputations, which could degenerate into support for false leadership.) On the 1HouseholdDiscipline mailing list (see link at top of page) "submission" and many other matters are discussed.  We (that is, those who contribute to the discussions) are adamant that submission and dominance should not be confused with notions of inequality or differences in worth.  Of course women and men, on average, are not the "same" - as "equal" is sometimes understood to mean.  Both sexes, on average, have different strengths and weaknesses - and individual differences are probably more significant still.  There is great individual variation from the average too.

A note on diversity This site concentrates on typical masculine and feminine characteristics for several reasons: Because in recent decades, the distinction between masculine and feminine has been confused, suppressed or denied. The positive qualities of being masculine or feminine have often also been devalued or inadequately appreciated.  In any discussion applying to people in general, it is necessary to focus initially on the most common patterns. However I do not want to give the impression that just because a person has (for instance) a male body that they should follow the patterns of thinking and behaviour which are typical of men.   Most people have some qualities which are more often found in the opposite sex - and I encourage people to make the most of all their qualities.  There are three major questions which can be asked about the sexuality of each individual.  I believe the answers to the second and third questions - which are concerned with fundamental mental characteristics- are primarily determined by biology, rather than upbringing.  There is a typical mental pattern for people with male bodies and a typical mental pattern for people with female bodies.  The processes of in-utero brain development can be affected by other factors than the genetic male/female program - so many people have mental qualities which are significantly different from the typical pattern for their genetic and body type. 1 - What sort of body do you have? For most people, the answer is a clear-cut "male" or "female", although there is great variation in the degree to which the distinctive masculine and feminine characteristics are evident in each person's body. 2 - What sort of role do you like to express? The answers here could be: "masculine", "feminine" or "both".  In all cases, there are degrees and various flavours of expression.  But it is notable that some people are very keen about expressing the role of the sex which is the opposite of that of their body.  A few people feel so strongly about this that they have sex-change operations. I think most people have some capacity and interest in expressing aspects of the opposite sex - if only for fun and in a playful and explorative manner. 3 - What kind of people are you sexually and romantically attached to? For most people, the answer is to the person of the sex opposite to that of their own physical body: "women!" or "men!".  However, quite a few people are somewhat or primarily attracted to partners of their own sex as well, so the answer would be "both!".  Other people are exclusively attracted to people who are the same sex as their own physical body. There are 2 common answers for the first question and 3 common answers for the second and third questions.  Even with this simplistic analysis,that means there are 18 different kinds of people!  Unfortunately, mainstream social theories only consider two of these types - "Male, male, women!" and "Female, female, men!" - to be normal.  The other 16 types of people are urged to conform or told that they are aberrant.  The usual "male / female" distinction based solely on body type fails to account for the person's mental make-up - what they like to express in themselves and what sort of people they are attracted to.  The forms of harmony which suit each couple are many and varied.   In discussing what I believe are typical male-female patterns of harmony and disharmony, please remember that I am trying to grapple with a complex enough range of "typical" situations - where one partner has a male body, likes to express masculinity alone, and is solely attracted to females, while the other is the mirror image: a person with a female body who is happy to express femininity and is solely attracted to men.  While this is the most common pattern, in reality, I think most people have some capacity and desire for expressing qualities which are most typical of the opposite sex. Such qualities should be made the most of!  Don't be shy about your strengths and interests - no matter how they may clash with whatever social theories are currently fashionable!

The man-woman dance typically involves dominance and submission, testing and decisive response, strength, frailty and tenderness. In the last few decades of the 20th century, certain facets of humanity were denied and suppressed.  Now it is time to rehabilitate some aspects of the man-woman dance which are valuable and often essential to many couples: the aspects of man-woman relationships concerning spanking and discipline, and all the communication, closeness, trust, laughter, hard work and betterment they can facilitate.

 

There are powerful reasons why in recent decades discipline and spanking have often been falsely equated with tyranny and abuse.  Tremendous suffering has occurred at the hands of tyrants - both the masters of nations and the men and women who diminish, terrorise and harm their loved ones and family.  An almost ubiquitous over-reaction to all this horror - such as the work of Hitler, Stalin and perpetrators of domestic violence - has been to recoil from any suggestion that one person may be justified in taking forceful action when intervening in the life of another.  But this has lead to distortions in our understanding of human needs and failings, because many people - for reasons which include our evolutionary inheritance - both want and need an interventionist disciplinary arrangement in order to be happy and to be their best selves.   The denial of this aspect of humanity has resulted in a pattern of estrangement and breakdown in loving relationships and consequently to an epidemic of divorce and destruction of good family life.

It has been said (I can't remember by whom) that what made communism so dangerous was that it was a form of tyranny which attracted the support of good people.  Communism (a supposedly benevolent state of society which was never achieved - it was an ideal to which communist states purportedly worked towards) was a form of state intervention in human relations which was intended to free all people from the problems caused by other systems of government.  Communism failed because it did not properly match human needs and because as a one-party state, it had no feedback mechanisms to protect it from corruption.  Many of communism's supporters were highly motivated individuals who justified their intervention in other people's lives on the grounds of the benefits it would bring those people.  So the protagonists of what ultimately became oppression would persevere despite the protests of those who they were supposedly benefiting, because the perpetrators "knew best" and because their long-term goals justified the unpleasant short-term means.  (This analogy is instructive for my purposes.  The truth of communism is much more complex, and in many countries, it was arguably a better system, for a while at least, than the alternatives of feudalism, colonialism or corrupt capitalism.) Therefore there is grave danger in promoting Domestic Discipline (DD) - another active, potentially forceful intervention in other people's lives, for their own long-term benefit - particularly since this intervention may be driven askew by unacknowledged erotic passions.   The fact that many people, including myself, propose DD for honourable reasons should not lead to complacency.  It is arguable that the initial goals of communism, national socialism (in Germany, to restore order, honour and prosperity from the wreckage and shame of the Great War), the crusades and the inquisitions (to save people from heresy and the devil) were also honourable and that some of the people who drove these campaigns were good people trying to make the world a better place.

It is absolutely vital that any rehabilitation of discipline and spanking in the home, where it may be conducted without moderating influences of others, be protected against degenerating into something terrible, something the opposite of its original conception.  DD aims to maximise harmony and bring out the best in people according to their own long term goals - where those goals are chosen with freedom and wisdom, not under pressure of fashion, fear or indoctrination.  Though I believe that by the end of this decade DD will be a relatively common, respected and uncontentious aspect of life, I caution against promoting DD as a fashion, as the next big thing or as a much needed whack on the posterior for the excesses of feminism.  No system of beliefs is entirely resistant to degradation when propagated by empty-headed people who lack critical faculties and broader frame of reference.  To think of DD in a self-righteous manner, as if everyone should practice it or as if all challenges to it deserve no respect, would be an over-reaction and would provide fertile ground for DD (or what people fervently believe to be DD) growing out of control and blighting many lives. Hopefully, most people will clearly recognise the dangers of a disciplinary system going off the rails - and will not use DD's appropriateness in certain circumstances as a basis for a simplistic rejection of all other approaches and counter-arguments.

I don't promote discipline or spanking as an absolute a goal in itself. I see DD and spanking as a bundle of principles and often effective practices which are perplexing and fascinating and which link to other aspects of life.  This web of life - and DD's part in it - has common elements for us all and significant differences between one couple and the next.  No-one fully understands it.  We are all on the case. Many successful systems in Nature result from the creative tension between two or more relatively simple systems.  The resulting composite system is much more complex than the sum of its parts.  A single neurone is a highly complex, dynamic system with multiple internal feedback processes keeping it normally on the edge of its triggering threshold.  The brain, which is but one part of ourselves, is the result of the creative tension between a hundred billion neurones, each connecting to 10,000 other neurones, many of them changing themselves as we learn. As part of the creative tension, partnership and dance between man and woman, there is a puzzling bundle of stuff - discipline and spanking - which can be used for both pleasure and for punishment.  This bundle can contribute some special spices to life and it can be an essential technique for correcting potentially disastrous failings of individuals and relationships.  But it is a tangle of playful  and functional principles and practices which we should not become obsessed with.  For those starved of a good spanking and much needed discipline, the subject is engrossing - but I believe that once it has been well explored, it will become a fruitful but not dominant part of many people's lives.

Here is a front-page article from The Age (Melbourne's major broadsheet newspaper) on 15 August 2001, by The Guardian's Fiachra Gibbons , writing from Edinburgh, entitled: Men and boys are the silent victims of the sex war: Lessing While this is no doubt true, I don't think this guilt-inducing aspect of the "war" is providing any benefit to women, other than perhaps short-term satisfaction of an urge to test and provoke.  The arsehole men who are the real threat to women won't be affected much by this guilt campaign - but the men who are trying to be their best, who are trying to be loving, supportive partners and fathers, wind up being confused and emasculated.  I believe that this guilt campaign and other "excesses of feminism" are contrary to the basic goals of truthfulness and equal opportunity - and constitute a mass-expression of test the man's resolve.   I think it is a test which, so far, us men have collectively failed - because we have too often let such accusations go unchallenged. A web site devoted to Doris Lessing is http://lessing.redmood.com .  The original article is here and responses to it include letters and others: 1 , 2 .  Comments include that "I have never met any creature as vile as most of the men in Doris Lessing's books." and " Lessing never supported Women's Liberation. Why attempt to mislead those who may never have known this, presenting her as a feminist icon?  Lessing was already telling women in her classic The Golden  Notebook (1962) that they needed 'to build up a man as a man because real men become fewer and fewer and we are frightened, trying to create men'."

Feminist author Doris Lessing says men are the new silent victims in the sex war, continually demeaned and insulted by women without a whimper of protest. Lessing, author of The Grass is Singing and The Golden Notebook , said feminism now housed a "lazy and insidious" culture that revelled in flailing men. She told the Edinburgh Book Festival on Monday that boys were being weighed down by guilt about crimes of their sex, while energy which could be used in pursuit of proper child care was being spent on the pointless humiliation of men. The 81-year-old author, who was born in Persia, said she had become increasingly shocked at the "unthinking and automatic rubbishing of men which is now so part of our culture that it is hardly even noticed" .  Feminism had achieved much for women but "why did this have to be at the cost of men?" (The Guardian article is more expansive and includes the quote: "Great things have been achieved through feminism. We now have pretty much equality at least on the pay and opportunities front, though almost nothing has been done on child care, the real liberation.") "We have many wonderful, clever, powerful women everywhere, but what is happening to men?" "I was in a class of nine- and 10-year-olds, girls and boys, and this young woman was telling these kids that the reason for wars was the innately violent nature of men." she said.  "You could see the little girls, fat with complacency and conceit while the little boys sat there crumpled, apologising for their existence, thinking this was going to be the pattern of their lives." Lessing said the teacher tried to "catch my eye, thinking I would approveof this rubbish".  "This kind of thing is happening in schools all over the place and no one says a thing." she said.  "It has become a kind of religion that you can't criticise because then you become a traitor to the great cause, which I am not." "It is time we began to ask who are these women who continually rubbish men. The most stupid, ill-educated and nasty woman can rubbish the nicest, kindest and most intelligent man and no one protests. "Men seem to be so cowed that they can't fight back, and it is time they did." Lessing claimed that much of the "great energy" whipped up by feminism had"been lost in hot air and fine words (now switching to the more expansive Guardian version . . . ) when we should have been concentrating on changing laws.  "We have got the pay but only real equality comes when child care is sorted out and it hasn't been yet, well not for those who really need it anyway". Lessing also revealed she is not going to write a third volume of her autobiography because she did not want to offend so "many great and eminent people by reminding them of their silliness. I just can't be bothered, to be honest".

---

Here are some extracts from the "Intro" which is linked to below .  These are items which I consider to be of such importance that everyone interested in this field should be aware of them. First, some comments from family therapist the late Dr Robin Skynner - who died in late 2000, and who is best known for his two books with John Cleese Families and How to Survive Them and Life and How to Survive It.  Following these, a quote from a gentleman on how he sees occasional disciplinary shows of strength as essential for the harmony of his marriage. (See my note, added in June 2004, about women who had lousy fathers and the insights in "Families and How to Survive Them".  Also some misspelt search-engine bait: Dr Robin Skinner, Dr Robyn Skynner, Dr Robyn Skinner.)

Robin Skynner quotes a question to his wife and her response: Why is it that you want us to go after you so hard and really pin you against the wall? And she said, "Well, can't you see?" - very impatiently - "can't you  see? It's obvious. When you do that we come into our own. We don't have to worry. We can use our energy and aggression and be what we really are and not worry about whether you can take it or not. We become totally free."

Here is the full text of a short article regarding Robin Skynner and his politically incorrect views on relationships. This is from Melbourne newspaper The Age 24 May 1996 and was written by Catriona Bonfiglioni, in Wellington. Men must stand up for themselves instead of cowering in a corner, hoping the women's movement disappears like a bad dream, and international family therapy pioneer, Dr Robin Skynner, said yesterday. Women around the world were waiting for men to engage in the debate and fight back like real men, Dr Skynner told the Royal Australian and New Zealand College of Psychiatrists conference in Wellington. "For the family to work well, men still need to retain some aspects of the traditional male role and fathering functions," he said. "Women seem to desire this too, and appear to feel sexually repelled, or certainly not attracted, if the man ceases to retain some element of his assertiveness." Dr Skynner, who has been practising and teaching family therapy for more than 30 years, said men have evolved to be violent in defence of their families and tribes and while hunting food.. But the industrial revolution, the hydrogen bomb and the women's movement had severely undermined men's confidence and curtailed their traditional role. "Performance of the male role no longer carries with it the high self-esteem which was once associated with it." In family therapy, women were encouraged to spell out their men's faults, and for a while the men would stonewall but eventually fight back. "Women were always pleased when their men at least fought back and became men." Letting the anger out also freed up the positive feelings they had for each other and often revived their sex life. "Women don't want men to fizzle away," Dr Skynner said. "They want men to be men still. They want a man who's a man, and sticks up for himself in more ways than one. If he doesn't they despise him. That's what men have to do, they have to fight it out." Men should get out more and bond with other men so they are not so dependent on women she (sic) said.

---

One gentleman's modus-operandi

This gentleman is happily married, with children.  He has nothing to do with the ongoing discussions about DD on web sites and mailing lists.  As far as I know, this is the only time he discussed his disciplinary actions with anyone.  He stumbled across my "rambling treatise" and  objected to what he perceived as my focus at the time (1996/97) on the erotic aspects of spanking.  Since then the focus has changed somewhat - towards discipline, motivation and  harmony.  When I explained myself better, he replied, stating for the first time that he did in fact spank his beloved wife on rare occasions.  The following text is reproduced with permission from his email. He elucidates a number of key points, such as the need for warnings - rather than there being any surprise about a spanking being administered.

It is exactly the same for adults as for children. Basically you are introducing an artificial, but safe, negative consequence to their behavior. It is delivered out of love, not hate or anger, to point out a dangerous behavior when the real consequence is far less apparent but will be more devastating (as for a child pulling on the cord that leads to a kettle, as for a partner who thinks she can give you an ear ache, and expect you to hang around to take it). Except in life threatening danger, in which case you save, not spank, it should never be a surprise. Several clear warnings should precede, and in the end it is their choice. The difference in the adult case is that they are generally speechless at your audacity to presume the authoritative role and the wisdom to judge, which is a bigger statement than the spanking itself.  Once having chosen this route, however, you must not flinch a fraction under the barrage that is likely to follow or you are finished forever.  NEVER apologise, the only response can be like "if you don't shut up, you will get another dose". Although you are kind and flexible, in major doses, let there be no misunderstandings about the fact that you DO have the final say. In my experience, and as you point out, many women actually like this, respect it and are attracted  as a result. They like to feel protected, and the odd display of strength around the house reinforces this.  Few will admit this.

These 260 words should be studied closely by every man!  This man mentioned no sexual connection for him or his wife in these actions - but that does not mean there was none.  For him, enforcing discipline was an essential, functional matter - unpleasant but occasionally absolutely necessary.

A rambling introduction

Some items I consider essential reading

Real life experiences

---

Another day in the office . . .



Thanks to RetroSpank.com for this image!

Discussions on the 1HouseholdDiscipline list

The 1HouseholdDiscipline mailing list was a lively and fascinating discussion list - a "group" at Yahoo Groups.  The archives remain as a searchable reference for anyone who wishes to join, but there are no further discussions on 1HouseholdDiscipline.  I needed to concentrate on other things (earning my living and writing my book) and could not continue moderating (with two other moderators) such a busy discussion list.

The successor to 1HouseholdDiscipline is Discipline and Harmony - operated by Lucy and Chani, who helped me moderate 1HouseholdDiscipline.   Please join Discipline and Harmony so you can read the archives and new messages, and contribute to discussions.  The homepage is here: DandH/ .

To read the messages in the archives, as linked to below, please join 1HouseholdDiscipline - the homepage for the list is here: 1hd/ .

Here are some links to discussions on this list.  Most of them are discussions I contributed to, but not all.  In all cases there is a link to the 1HouseholdDiscipline archives at Yahoo Groups.  These are of the form 1HouseholdDiscipline/yyyy where "yyyy" is a message number in the archives. This link leads to the start of a discussion within the archives, so you can select which messages you want to read from there.

In some cases, there is a link to a page at this site - which contains what I wrote, and in a few cases some of other list members' writing.  These are of the form 1h-xxxx.html.  These may be edited versions of several posts and contain updated information and extra links.

To open such a link in a separate browser window (this goes for any link on any web page, not just these) use the right trackball/mouse button on the link and select the "Open in new window" item on the menu which appears.  On a Windows computer, to cycle back to the first browser window - the one you are using to read this page - hold down your "Alt" key, press "Tab" (potentially several times to select one of any number of application windows) and release both "Tab" and "Alt" when you have selected the window you want to switch to.

1HouseholdDiscipline/159	Testing to see if your man will enforce discipline Mon, 31 Jan 2000 Should the woman break the rules just to test if her man will punish her?  Coping with deliberate provocation such as this.  Writing lines as an alternative to spanking.  The need for "play" and "therapeutic" spankings if there are to be punishment spankings.  How the woman can "ask" for a play spanking, without saying a word and without causing trouble.  A serious "demonstration" punishment spanking.
1HouseholdDiscipline/173	"Power", leadership and benefits for the man Wed, 02 Feb 2000 DD involves leadership - not "power".  The term "power" too often implies guilt and misuse of power.  Placing yourself in the disciplinary care of a principled gentleman does not mean giving him lasting power over you.  The loving woman's influence on her man's character.  Coping with the man's failures.  The so-called "Spencer Spanking Plan" seems to be a fabrication.  Why it is good to admit mistakes.  The women should thank her man for his work in correcting her.  Ladies, be patient and accept that he will make mistakes.
1HouseholdDiscipline/306	Re: ideas on "sentences" Tue, 08 Feb 2000 DD's aim is harmony, security, good behaviour etc. - not to spank women.  "I find myself manipulating my husband into discipline. And I hate myself for it."  Woman fussy about punishments - she won't write *lines*.  Woman certain she "knows" what her man is not capable of.
1HouseholdDiscipline/334	Michelle's wonderful approaches Thu, 10 Feb 2000 One woman's approach to helping her husband assume leadership.  She feels dominated without the need for punishment.
1HouseholdDiscipline/467	Re: DD - Nature or Nurture Thu, 17 Feb 2000 Discipline should be a gift of caring - not just a power trip to compensate personal insecurities.  Women falling for bluster, bravado etc. . . .  . . . or a man who is not sufficiently demonstrative.  Men falling for a woman's physical charm - despite her unprincipled nature.
1HouseholdDiscipline/491 1h-surrendered.html	Re: Book: "The Surrendered Wife" Fri, 18 Feb 2000 Critique of a book which tells women to act dumb so they will be able to respect their husbands.   http://www.surrenderedwife.com
1HouseholdDiscipline/536 1h-logical.html	Re: A logical flaw in D&D Sun, 20 Feb 2000 Long response to a critique that Domestic Discipline is fatally flawed.  The problem of "brattling".
1HouseholdDiscipline/1792 1h-nagging.html	Re: [1HouseholdDiscipline] nagging Tue, 02 May 2000 Curing "lastworditis" without suppressing proper communication.
1HouseholdDiscipline/1833 1h-analysis.html	Analysis - was Nagging Sat, 06 May 2000 Fine points about not suppressing valid discussion.  Increasingly demonstrative levels of response to a problem.  Self control.  Guidance.  Instruction.  Punishment.  What constitutes "nagging"?  DD should not suppress long-term desires.  Similarity between glowing bottom, erect nipples etc. and the flushed faces and argument which arises when the Nag Demon has its way.  Our education minister, Mary Delahunty, saying of another parliamentarian "She's gorgeous when she gets angry!".  An isolated colony to which Drama Queens may be banished.
1HouseholdDiscipline/3824 1h-navigator.html	"Navigator", "follower" and gifts Mon, 18 Sep 2000 "Navigator" and "follower" much better than "dominant" & "submissive".  "Submission" is less of a gift than being the Navigator . . .  I prefer "the woman places herself in the care of the man".
1HouseholdDiscipline/3830	Re: Trust Tue, 19 Sep 2000 The navigator must trust the follower too.  Coping with mistakes in the disciplinary arrangement.  Both partners are committed to improving both their lives.  DD helps people overcome short-term weaknesses, as part of attaining their long-term goals.
1HouseholdDiscipline/3852 1h-addiction.html (Contains extra links to sites on cannabis addiction and the psychological effects of coffee.)	More on addiction Thu, 21 Sep 2000 to Fri, 06 Oct 2000  DD does not change underlying brain chemistry or function.  We could all be addicts - to drugs or over-exercise, spanking, gambling etc.  Some people have greater susceptibility: Reward Deficiency Syndrome, by Kenneth Blum et. al.  Spanking is addictive and potentially dangerous.  Coffee and marijuana (pot) are the great underrated drugs of mental and relationship danger today.  Addicted craving is not the problem so much as excessive dosage or indulgence.  DD can stop the dangerous behaviour of excessive drug taking etc.  If addiction is a "disease" don't forget that its problems depend entirely on behaviour.  Critique of the "self-esteem movement's" view of various apparently stupid behaviours.  These are my postings on a contentious subject. Be sure to see the other contributions in the list archive - some people disagreed with me strongly. In January 2007, I wrote something more about caffeine and PMS in the house-test page. By Martha Blanchard, ca. 1955, Saturday Evening Post
1HouseholdDiscipline/4388	"Got my first real spanking last night".  Mon, 4 Dec 2000  This is an action-packed and insightful piece, dealing with testing the man's resolve, PMS and how the woman's husband apologises for letting her run riot in the past.
1HouseholdDiscipline/4447	A weekly spanking ritual with operatic overtones Thu, 14 Dec 2000  A man reports, with artistic license - rather than in a concrete way - his weekly spanking arrangement for his wife "whether she needs it or not".  If read in a literal fashion, it might be thought that he is describing the opposite of discipline and harmony, but I think this is a lyrical description of an arrangement with many emotional resonances.  His vision of marital harmony is not for everyone, but I believe his approach achieves the harmony goals (which is why we are interested in serious discipline) generally by use of play and ritualised discipline-like activities - which are a lot more pleasant than the real thing!

Finally, my Spanking Gentleman's Creed is a work in progress too.  The creed is a suggestion - a starting point, not an edict!

Here creed.html   is a discussion of how this creed has developed.  Please make your suggestions!

Update History

• 2007 January 30: Various changes and improvements to the house-test page, including theories about PMS, avoiding caffeine, watching out for people suffering from BPD (Borderline Personality Disorder) and a job description for the loving man.
  
• 2004 July 30:  Noted in several places that I do not currently have a pictures section on this site.  I had that section disabled for a long time, and for now, I don't want to have any such photos unless I am really happy with them.  These photos were collected from various erotica newsgroups and were mainly commercial erotica, but I did have photo kindly submitted by a woman reader of he well reddened tail.
  
• 2004 June 11:  Removed my photos, which were from 1999 and 2000.  Added a note about being married.  Apologised for the lack of new material.  Added notes about "Families and How to Survive Them" and about women who as children had to defend themselves from bad fathers.  All these changes are at the top of the main index page and at the top of this New page.
  
• 2002 April 24:  Added link to the Discipline and Harmony list and updated the info on 1HouseholdDiscipline.
  
• 2001 September 1:  Added "Coffee" cartoon by Martha Blanchard.
  
• 2001 August 15:  Added material from Doris Lessing, Robin Skynner and the Gentleman's Modus Operandi.  
  
• 2001 August 12:  Added "Marriage Counsellor" image courtesy of http://www.retrospank.com .
  
• 2001 July 10:  Updated to reflect the restriction of the 1HD archives to members only.
• 2001 April 3-4:  Added:
• New material in the Harmony section regarding diversity.
• New page on the analogy between a woman's desire for a protective relationship and a house which is so strong she cannot break it.
• New page on playful spanking.
• Second piece on punishment - punishment-2.html.
• 2001 January 1:  The new/ directory and the fondlyandfirmly.com URL established.

© Mr Fondman and the real person behind this pseudonym 1996 - 2007, apart from quotations from other people.

.