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Home Page for the Discipline and Harmony discussion list

Last update 16 June 2006

Warning! If you are a child or are easily offended, then none of the material on this site is for you. So please leave by clicking on one of these links: www.yahoo.com or www.google.com .


Discipline and Harmony is a thoughtful moderated email discussion list (technically a "Yahoo Group") for Domestic Discipline (for loving adults) and related matters.  It carries on the work of the 1HouseholdDiscipline list (see the link on the navigation bar above).  1HouseholdDiscipline's discussions halted at the end of April 2002 but the archives remain - a rich source of insights into this fascinating and difficult field.  Discipline and Harmony is owned and operated by Lucy Honeychurch ( lucyhoneychurch@justemail.net ) and Chani - who were both moderators at 1HouseholdDiscipline.   I am not a moderator of Discipline and Harmony. 

This list was established as DisciplineandHarmony in May 2002 but was deleted by Yahoo Groups in early May 2003, without notice.  This may have been a glitch or it may be because it was deemed to be discussing sexual matters whilst not being in the Adult section of "Romance and Relationships".  Those archives are no longer available.  The new list was established as Discipline-Harmony in mid May 2003.  We still call the new list "Discipline and Harmony" or "DandH" for short, but its name within the Yahoo Groups system is "Discipline-Harmony".

This site - Fondly and Firmly - focuses on M->F discipline and play.  Discipline and Harmony is primarily concerned with M->F DD but F->M, M<->F and same-sex couple DD is also sometimes discussed.   While familiarity or agreement with this Fondly and Firmly material is not assumed on Discipline and Harmony quite a few couples find it relevant.  Please also see the other DD sites linked to from the Fondly and Firmly home page. 
January 2007:

Since August 2005, I cannot fully recommend Discipline and Harmony as a place to discuss the gutsier aspects of M->F DD, because a small number of individuals post messages which disrupt many such discussions. I believe these individuals can be extremely distrustful of men in general and/or are deeply perplexed at a woman fully trusting a man. 

Imagine a skydiving discussion list where every attempt to discuss the finer points and pleasures of parachuting  is mired in "discussion" along the lines of: "What?? You jumped out of a plane????  That's  risky!!!  You really shouldn't write such stuff because wide-eyed newbies read this list and you could influence them to jump to their death!".   I am well aware of the dangers of writing anything which might be interpreted by a clueless or vile man as a justification to mistreat a woman, but it is an impossible constraint to have to write things which can't be misinterpreted.

The passions, the needs and the happily married lives of quite a few fabulous women are are perplexing to anyone who can't imagine that such women have really found a strong man worthy of their complete trust.  So it can be hard to discuss these matters if some participants are recoiling in horror at the events being discussed, or at how some idiot might misinterpret what we write.

The Discipline and Harmony and Taken in Hand discussion lists can be a great way of sharing and learning about aspects of life which are important, challenging, fascinating and thrilling.  However I think there is a tendency for those with most experience not to participate if there are lots of messages from people who can't cope with the idea that some bright, independent-thinking women do find genuinely good men and do fully trust them to take charge of them, including sometimes when the man takes the initiative before she assents to this and when he spanks, paddles or straps her very hard despite her strongest efforts to stop him. 

It takes a lot of work to moderate a discussion list the way I think it should be done and I understand that people have differing views on how best to facilitate discussion. I have no plans to run my own list. 


- Mr Fondman


To join Discipline and Harmony, you should first get a "Yahoo ID" which is associated with the email address which you want to use for Discipline and Harmony.  You can get a "Yahoo ID" for free from: http://groups.yahoo.com - at the top left is a "Click to Register" link.  The email address you associate with that Yahoo ID will typically be the one which you use to join Discipline and Harmony.  Once you have joined, your Yahoo ID and its password enable you to log into the Yahoo Groups web site and read the archives of Discipline and Harmony and any other groups you are a member of.  From there, you can also reply to messages or write fresh messages via the Yahoo Groups web site - without actually using your email program (or web-mail system, such as HotMail).  Once you have joined Discipline and Harmony (as described in detail below), you can use your "My Groups" page (there is a link to this on every Yahoo Groups page) to select whether or not you want to receive the list's messages via email.  

Please read this homepage - the one you are reading now - fully before joining.


Some people have experienced delays in joining Discipline and Harmony.  If this happens to you, this is a Yahoo Groups glitch which does not seem to resolve itself.  If your membership is pending, rather than immediate, then write to Lucy at lucyhoneychurch@justemail.net with the email address you want to join the list with. You must already have a Yahoo ID as described above  You can always end your membership of this or any other group from your My Groups page: http://groups.yahoo.com/mygroups .

Discipline and Harmony Scope

By Lucy Honeychurch - List owner and co-moderator.

This list is for adults interested in discussing "domestic discipline" sometimes called DD - disciplinary arrangements that aim to achieve harmony in lasting, loving couple relationships - and related or complementary topics, including playful aspects of coupledom and how they foster intimacy, commitment and the like.

This is not a BDSM list, a purely erotic spanking list, or a list for partners who "brat" to post accounts of their latest punishments.  Like its predecessor - 1HouseholdDiscipline - this list was founded by and for people who've felt frustrated when other lists become clogged with such material and who desire constructive discussion of principles and experiences surrounding DD. Same-sex couples are welcome, as are those in which either a male or a female is disciplinarian or where roles are switched.

Discussion should be respectful and constructive. To be better understood, please try to describe some of the reasoning and experiences that lie behind opinions you state. Avoid one-liners that don't advance discussion, and title posts descriptively. These are sensitive topics, and people have a wide variety of views, so it's important to avoid rudeness and personal attacks. Those who flame get one warning; if this is ignored, you will be removed from the list.

The list is moderated. Moderators won't change posts but will reformat for clarity and cut extraneous material, such as full quotation of previous messages. We will reject posts that don't fit the topic or guidelines, in our judgement. Moderators can get busy, so messages may not appear as quickly as we'd like.  Please don't repost unless a message hasn't shown up for 24 hours or so.

To keep archives free of non-DD material,  please join and use the related list DandHSocial (see below) to post personal contact ads and converse with other members off-topic, discuss list politics and the like.


Joining Discipline and Harmony 

You can join or remove yourself from the list at: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Discipline-Harmony/  You should be able to join and leave without any delay.  There is no "moderator approval", so if the Yahoo Groups system tells you that you must await this, then is a glitch - see the note above.  See the note above on getting a Yahoo ID first before attempting to join the list.

Members can send messages to Discipline and Harmony by writing to Discipline-Harmony@yahoogroups.com or via the "Post" link on any of the list's pages at Yahoo Groups.  Replying to an email you receive from the list will cause the reply to go to the list - not to the person who wrote the message you are replying to.  If you want to write to that person, change the To: line in your email program to their address.  You can use the "Reply" link in the archives to reply to the message you are reading.  You can also write to other list members from the archives by clicking on their email address.

Members of Discipline and Harmony can view and search the archives at: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Discipline-Harmony/messages
 

If you are happy with the scope of Discipline and Harmony, then there is no need to read any further.

DandHSocial 

DandHSocial  is an unmoderated email discussion list (the list operates as a Yahoo "group") for Discipline and Harmony members to discuss pretty much anything they want - but inflammatory messages and any other rot will be removed from the archives.  DandHSocial is the ideal place to introduce yourself and invite contact with other list members!  Like Discipline and Harmony, the archives of DandHSocial can only be read by members, so you must join DandHSocial to read the messages of the past.   

DandHSocial is unmoderated - though Lucy will delete messages from the archive if they are more trouble than they are worth.  Your messages go to straight the list.  Within a few seconds of you emailing the message or writing and sending it from a Web form on the Yahoo Groups site, it will be sent to all DandHSocial list members who select email as their delivery mode.  Likewise, your message will appear on the archives within seconds.  You can and should delete any of your messages from the archive if you don't want them there any more.

You can discuss whatever you like on this list, including what your cat had for breakfast!   You can discuss the direction of the Discipline and Harmony list and you may make constructive comments or vent your rage or whatever about how Discipline and Harmony is moderated.  

Please write about yourself and who you would like to meet on DandHSocial.

Please trim off unwanted quotes when you reply to a message, and take care with layout of quoted text to make it readable.  The moderators do a lot of tidying and trimming to make Discipline and Harmony more readable - but there are no moderators for DandHSocial, so you need to trim and lay out your messages exactly as they will appear.  Please sign your name and leave blank lines between paragraphs.

Do not discuss DandHSocial on Discipline and Harmony!

If something interesting arises in DandHSocial which is in scope for Discipline and Harmony, then please start a fresh discussion about it on Discipline and Harmony.

If you want to quote something from DandHSocial on Discipline and Harmony, then you should check with whoever wrote it.

If you think that a discussion on DandHSocial warrants the attention of Discipline and Harmony members in general, then write about it to lucyhoneychurch@justemail.net . 

You can join or remove yourself from DandHSocial at: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/DandHSocial/  Please see the notes above for how to get a Yahoo ID and what to do if you cannot join immediately.

Members can send messages to DandHSocial by writing to DandHSocial@yahoogroups.com or via the "Post" link on any of the list's pages at Yahoo Groups.  Please see the notes above on other ways of writing and replying.

Members of DandHSocial can view and search the archives at: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/DandHSocial/messages .


Acronyms, Terminology and Favorite Messages 

Acronyms can be communicative or confusing - not everyone understands them.  There are common acronyms which are in general use:

BTW
 By The Way.
FYI
 For Your Information.
FWIW
 For What It's Worth.
IMHO
 In My Humble Opinion.  Also IMNSHO - In My Not So Humble Opinion.
LOL
 Laughing Out Loud.
OTOH
 On The Other Hand.
ROTFL
 Rolling On The Floor Laughing (another over-used one!).
TIA
 Thanks In Advance.
YMMV
 Your Mileage May Vary.

There are some Domestic Discipline (and BDSM - D/s) acronyms:
DD
 Domestic Discipline - the subject of this discussion list.  There is no formal definition.
DH
 Dear Husband or Darling Husband.
D/s
 Dominance/submission.  (Like BDSM, a widely recognised to adult sexual/romantic relations.  Definitions are difficult, but some people who identify with D/s and/or BDSM also identify with DD as understood on this list.)
BDSM
 Bondage Discipline Sado Masochism.  (Definitions are difficult, but DD is not a game, does not necessarily involve bondage or masochism and certainly does not involve sadism.)
SO
 Significant Other - a generic term for long-term romantic partner, whether married or not, but more often when not married.
1HD
 1HouseholdDiscipline - the discussion list which gave rise to Discipline and Harmony. (See the link on the navigation bar at the top of this page.)
The term "bratting" refers to a person deliberately hurting or annoying their partner in order to provoke a disciplinary response.  While some couples happily engage in playful bratting, on this discussion list the term "bratting" on its own means deliberately hurtful actions.

On a linear discussion list such as this, the best messages can be hard to find.  If you find a recent or older message which you really like and want to bring to the attention of other list members, please post a fresh message to the list, with the subject starting with "Fave-msg " listing the message number in the archives - then write about why this is one of your Favorite Messages. Searching the archives for "Fave-msg" will find all such references.