If you are a child,
or if you want to fuss and fight,
or if you are easily offended,
then please surf somewhere less challenging, such as yahoo.com .
David Pascal, ca. 1955, Saturday Evening Post
| Fondly and Firmly - the
Gentlemanly Art of Spanking the
Woman
you Love Home new/ misc/ 1HouseholdDiscipline list DisciplineandHarmony list links/ Contact |
| This site is a work in progress by Mr Fondman - but I haven't added much to it
since early
2003. In 2005 I decided to operate this site under a pseudonym,
for reasons explained at contact/ I am a happily married man and I have many other interests. Please always refer to this site as belonging to Mr Fondman - and use the address at contact/ when writing to me. Please note that I am not a counsellor. I have no formal
qualifications in any field. The purpose of this site, and of the mailing lists and forums listed to the right, is harmony in loving relationships , with a special focus on long term man-woman relationships, including marriage. A major component of this harmony is each partner working to be their best self, and to bring out the best in the other. For some couples, discipline and spanking are important and perhaps essential methods of achieving this harmony.
This is not a site for men who hate women - or for women who
feel that no man can be trusted with the care of a woman. This
site is not intended to encourage women to love and trust irresponsible
or uncaring men. As many women attest, sometimes, there can be aspects of a woman's thinking and behavior which might be called "womanly devils" or "imps". This condition can afflict even the finest, most wonderful women. Rather than ignore such problems, many women and men agree that discipline and spanking can be the best approach to avoiding the corrosive behavior which would otherwise result, and which would soon be greatly regretted by both the woman and the man . While this site is concerned with these approaches, it should never be forgotten that men have their own problems too, and that the women in question have many fabulous qualities. The illustration below is, of course, simplistic. A true account of a person, let alone women in general - with all her virtues, strengths, passions, weaknesses and potential "imps" etc. - would be a huge undertaking. But for some excellent women (and their beloved men) the following image may have a certain resonance . . .
The above illustration, by
Eric Gurney, appears in Chapter 1 (entitled I Give You Woman
and May God Have Mercy on Your Souls) of Joseph H. Peck MD's 1961
book Life with Women and How to Survive it. This is available
via the second-hand bookseller search engine Bookfinder.com
. Dr Peck claims never to have needed to spank his wife, but he
refers
several times to how appropriate this may be for other women in certain
situations. As many a spanking gentlemen knows, his curvaceous beloved does not always view him as the greatest of angels, in spite of his most noble and principled efforts to enhance her life and their relationship. From Chapter 12, here is an illustration captioned: Under certain circumstances, you and Satan are one and the same.
It is my strong belief
that caffeine is a
source of much irritability,
anxiety and conflict - especially during PMS. So if you as a
couple are
having any such troubles, I suggest you avoid caffeine entirely (apart
from moderate amounts of chocolate), for months - and see how life is
without it. The US NIH recommends
anyone suffering from an anxiety disorder, including PTSD and panic
attacks avoid caffeine. They say the
same thing about nightmares
too. Every PMS book says to avoid or cut
down on caffeine. I think the demonic possession ("temporary
insanity" is how some women describe it later) observed in the
throes of PMS is correlated very strongly with caffeine in the hours
and days
before. If
so, then this is not a natural womanly aspect of humanity, but a
destructive side effect of this drug. Not everyone is made more anxious (for days, not
just hours) by caffeine. Just because some people can drink lots
of
it
without apparent ill-effect, doesn't mean everyone can. I noticed
being less anxious and less tired in general when I quit drinking one
or two weak cups
of tea a day around
the start of 2005 - and I am not an anxious person. My stomach
used to tense up when something bad happened, but this doesn't happen
now my only source of caffeine is moderate amounts of chocolate.
I don't recall any really bad
nightmares since then either. There is a
bunch of research
showing that people with a particular genetic variant of the A2a
adenosine receptors (adenosine is a neurotransmitter) are firstly more
likely to suffer from panic disorder and secondly have a highly anxious
response to caffeine. For instance Alsene,
Deckart, Sand and de Wit 2003. Caffeine is used experimentally to
generate
a
state which is indistinguishable from a panic attack. In one
study, Bruce
and Lader 1989, six people overcame their anxiety disorders simply
by giving up caffeine. I wrote some more about PMS, caffeine and
Clomid-induced PMS in the house-test
page. |
The important written material at this site - and there's
lots
of it - is in the new/ directory. Please follow this link:
new/ <<< Enter hereThere you will find:
Taken in
Hand
- http://www.takeninhand.com is a thoughtful and lively site with articles and
discussion of DD - conducted by a spirited woman who dedicates
it to: Providing support for feminine woman and for masculine men. It is about being proud of your masculinity if you are a man, or proud of being a woman if you are a woman. There is a well-moderated Taken in Hand discussion list, at Yahoo Groups - http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Taken_In_Hand - which my wife and I will be contributing to. The Discipline and Harmony discussion list
is the successor to the 1HouseholdDiscipline list, which is described
below.
The homepage is here: DandH/
.
This new list is operated by Chani and Lucy, who helped me
moderate
1HouseholdDiscipline. The 1HouseholdDiscipline discussion list was a lively and thoughtful discussion list on Domestic Discipline (DD), relationship harmony, playful and therapeutic spanking etc. Discussions ceased at the end of April 2002, but the message archive (hosted at Yahoo Groups) remains for people to join so they can browse and search. There are 4000 high quality messages from the 18 month period in which I and several women moderated the list. The home page for the list is here: 1hd . The archives will remain available indefinitely - a fascinating searchable resource for anyone interested in Domestic Discipline; playful spanking; harmony in loving relationships and the the care of spirited, promising but occasionally difficult women. Please join and take a look. Maryann, a long-time member and moderator of 1HouseholdDiscipline has a site on DD - Digits' and Maryann's Domestic Discipline web site: http://www.geocities.com/digitsnmaryann/ . They used to have a forum at http://www.delphi.com/cutl/start/ - for Couples Using Traditional Lifestyles but are now running a discussion list at Yahoo Groups: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/CUTL . Naturally, on this Fondly and Firmly website, and on the lists, sites and forums mentioned here, the man is a gentleman who loves and supports his woman - not a brute with a dim view of life or a misogynist streak! Bethany's Woodshed is a well regarded commercial site for spanking fiction. Many couples find Bethany's site and her associated discussion forum inspiring and a valuable aid to understanding. Many more spanking sites can be reached via
The Spanking Top 100 (popularity ratings and lots of
graphics, so slow to load) and Project Cuff Link
(no graphics, much faster). It is easy to misconstrue spanking and domestic discipline as something violent or mean-spirited. Whether for play, therapy or genuine discipline, it does involve demonstrative physical and emotional actions, so it must be approached with caution. Only proceed if you are sure you know what you are doing. Its your responsibility. You won't get any "Just follow these simple instructions - its easy!" stuff from me. Here are some things which this site has nothing to do with:
Other loving couples fall into brief but nonetheless extremely dangerous and unacceptable episodes of domestic violence as a result of not understanding themselves, not communicating properly and failing to set limits on behavior which leads to an out-of-control situation. In particular, if a man does not know that a woman may test his resolve to the bitter end (including with extreme emotional abuse and physical violence), growing more and more frustrated at his failure to put a stop to her rot (asking or pleading with her to stop, or hiding, are not what she is looking for, she needs instructions, warnings and if necessary a long, hard, safe spanking ), then he may lose control and lash out at her with his fists. I hope that this site will help such couples prevent this dangerous and tragic degeneration in their loving relationships. We had a really interesting discussion of women's "testing", "ranting" and "bitching" in late October and early November 2001 on the 1HouseholdDiscipline discussion list. The women who wrote of these actions indicated it was like something took over them. Please see my analysis of this in message 6556 and the discussions which preceded and followed this. Due to ridiculous censorship laws, this site is hosted outside Australia - in the USA (San Francisco), where the First Amendment protects freedom of speech from the censorious ravages of governments. |
This project is part of a broader movement, centred on the term Domestic Discipline - or "DD". This is not role-playing, or oppression. It is not diminishing people - quite the reverse! It is not the formalised "scenes" of BDSM and it certainly has nothing to with sadism, misogyny, masters or slaves. BDSM (Bondage Discipline Sado-Masochism) and D/s (Dominant/submissive) arrangements are varied indeed. Some people who identify with DD think of BDSM and D/s as being role-playing, falsely serious, dangerous or so fantastical as to be of no interest to them. Some BDSM and D/s takes place in a social setting such as "play parties" - but DD is generally, in my understanding, a private matter between couples. I encourage couples using DD to approach it completely seriously, but also to cultivate a "playful spanking" aspect to their lives as well. Many BDSM and D/s people enjoy this light-hearted approach too, so it is best not to assume too much about how clearly these terms describe people's interests and activities.
The material here began with a rambling "treatise" which I started in late 1996. Since then, this site has been a favourite amongst women and men researching spanking and discipline in their loving relationships. This site currently receives about 9,000 visits a week - 56,000 file accesses (AKA "hits"). There are many other sites and discussion forums - I list some on my links/ page.
Many potentially excellent loving relationships are failing due to loss of respect and trust - and consequently of love. DD is one approach to restoring communication and principled, healthy attitudes and behavior. It works, in part, by satisfying deep, intense, needs in the woman for there being limits to her behavior.
I believe it is instinctual, natural and healthy to want to belong in a protective hierarchy. We all want to know that we are part of a society which supports, respects and protects us. Many women long for this feeling within their loving relationship - to be protected and cherished by their principled, strong, good man. They want to have limits set on any over-anxiousness, moodiness or occasional propensity to wreak emotional havoc. What's more quite a few fine women simply long to be spanked!
A hierarchy or chain of responsibility and command is not necessarily monolithic or oppressive. Respect, interdependency and trust go both ways - and there is no notion in DD of one person being inferior to another.
Domestic Discipline is a challenging field. There is no "follow the instructions even if I don't understand it" approach. This is about personal responsibility and grappling with some really perplexing questions. Remember, I am not a counsellor and I have no qualifications at all! I urge you not to do anything regarding spanking or discipline unless you know exactly why you are doing it.
As far as I know, the material here has has a happy influence on people, but I wouldn't always know if it led to problems. The positive feedback has been most encouraging! Many women have written to me along the lines of "If my ex-husband had known all this, we would still be happily married." One woman wrote that the material here was a decisive factor in transforming her marriage - and that it had similarly helped many other women on the discussion forums she participates in. She wrote:
Just about every woman on the forums tells the exact same story:It would be nice if a simple slap on the tail could bring such happiness! Giving your beloved's bottom a hearty smack is a good place to start, but it will take a lot of discussion, reading and thinking to understand each other and to develop new arrangements - new goals, rules and games - so that both partners can be their true, best, selves.
Fell head over heels in love with hubby, learned to respect
someone for the first time, incredible sense of security and love,
peace in the house, no more fighting, received more respect than
ever before, and of course sex is off the Richter scale.Relationships are difficult. Domestic Discipline requires a lot of work and can only be successfully undertaken by dedicated couples in which at least one partner has the stability and strengths required of a disciplinarian. But it can make the difference between disaster and lasting happiness. The DD path to relationship harmony is more difficult still because it is often falsely portrayed as kinky, dangerous or even abusive. Well, I suppose it is a little kinky!
 |
|
This is the image of a rubber stamp, entitled Swept Away, which is available from The Rubber Poet . |
To protect and support, |
Mr Fondman 30 January 2007.
This site was created with Mozilla - http://www.mozilla.org
- the big, freely-available, Windows/Linux/Mac, open-source browser,
email/Usenet
client and HTML composer project on which Netscape 6.x and other
browsers
are based.
© Mr Fondman and the real person behind this pseudonym 1996 - 2008.
